Welcome back for the third edition of Above Average Empath, the monthly musings of a creative exploring the human condition. This month’s edition is about how “doing nothing” is one of the most important skills we can cultivate.
I’m the happiest and most self-assured I’ve been in recent memory and I attribute it to doing nothing.
It’s not really nothing. But it’s “nothing” by the productivity standards we’re held to in our culture, and often bully ourselves into submitting to.
It’s been my recent intention to rehabilitate my nervous system after recognizing how exhausted I was from trying to barrel through grief and from holding myself to unsustainable personal productivity levels.
I started this rehabilitation process by simply becoming aware of every time I felt a pang of urgency to fill my time with something "more productive” whenever I was sitting still.
The internal pressure to “get your fucking ass up and work” would get so loud that I’d react by grabbing the nearest personal development book, lacing up my sneakers for a run, or scanning LinkedIn for someone new to connect with.
Productivity has become so entangled in my sense of self-worth that actively resisting felt like I was failing, running out of time, losing my edge, or exposing some kind of vulnerability. Not reacting felt like a literal act of rebellion.
The more reps I got in of not reacting, just like I was exercising a muscle, the easier it became. Not easy, easier.
My nervous system started to settle, and I naturally favored the peace and calm that expanded in my chest whenever I leaned into an activity that just felt good.
Like laying in the sun rays on my floor, reading a fiction novel, birding, people watching, picnicking and painting in the park, walking to pick up wine, flowers, and home-made tiramisu from the market on my street corner.
These pleasures just feel good.
When you feel good, when you can feel what a regulated nervous system feels like, it becomes abundantly clear who or what creates anxiety and discomfort in your life. As a result, you calibrate a barometer for who or what to say hell no to. This barometer becomes the most important tool in your ability to protect your peace, to set boundaries for yourself, and to build resilience.
The funniest thing is that by “doing nothing”, I’ve made some of the biggest strides and accomplishments I’ve had in my twenties thus far. I’ve signed to a record label. I’m running the marketing campaign for a book launch of one of my favorite speakers on play theory. I’ve moved across the country to a city I’ve dreamed of living in for several years.
But I’m not here to push rest as some “productivity hack.” There’s no shortage of articles out there that already do this (looking at you, Inc.).
I’m letting life happen by leading with my gut and staying open to the magical possibilities of serendipity. I’m experimenting with trusting that by doing this good things will come, and that what’s meant for me will be for me but only when the timing is right.
None of this is novel or groundbreaking either. The concept of “non-doing” is at the heart of Daoism, the anti-hustle culture movement, and books like:
The Lost Art of Doing Nothing: How the Dutch Unwind with Niksen
Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving
I’m not going to argue that we should all quit our jobs and become idle and apathetic to work. I certainly don’t have the financial luxury nor the intrinsic desire to sit still.
What I will argue is that you won’t find happiness by overworking and muscling your way through life in pursuit of it.
Searching for tangible happiness only prevents you from finding it, because it’s not really something to find. It’s something you surrender to.
Now go forth, and do nothing.
On Repeat
I’m back on a live music session kick. La Blogothèque reigns superior in their Take Away Shows, brilliant live recorded performances with artists out on busy streets, in lush gardens, or literally out on a boat like in this session with Papooz. I came across this extraordinary golden-hour performance about four years ago, and it remains one of my favorites. I just don’t know how it’s possible to pull off audio this crisp literally out at sea.
Goodie Bag
Alright, you’ve made it. You’ve reached the catch-all section of my newsletter, where I send you off with a goodie bag of things I’ve enjoyed recently.
This exploration of “LOL” — your virtual empathy signifier. Add it to your mental lexicon. lol.
This free self-led online program, 21 Days of Embodied Pleasure by Angie Louthan, designed to get you reconnected with what makes you feel good.
This mental dump from Kevin Kelly on his 70th birthday, “103 Bits of Advice I Wish I Had Known.”
This bossa nova playlist. Perfect for a day by the water with a good book.
This mantra from the incredible Frankie Simmons: “My care for myself is not transactional. I’m not a vending machine that accepts “self-care quarters” and then just spits back out whatever productivity version of myself I think I’m supposed to be today. My rest and my care is not a process of trying to figure out “what is the least I can give myself before I will stop being a problem?” My care for myself is what I deserve unconditionally, forever and always, no matter what.”